So where better place to start than the beginning… the chase.
I hadn’t long been single when Darren first cropped up on the scene (I wont give him an alias)
We’d got chatting on a very well known dating app… TINDER in Feb 2015. Back then it was relatively new as apposed to the stigma attached to it nowadays.
We chatted and got on like a house on fire from the get go. Eventually we swapped contact numbers and things seemed to continue going well for a couple of weeks. I had noticed that he would only be in contact in the middle of the night and remember questioning him about it even back then. He was (is) a free lance IT consultant and said it was down to his working hours.
Anyway long story short..
He would ask to take me out, but always put the pressure on ‘give me a time and a date and il get a table booked’ Iv never been one to crack under the pressure especially when its being put on me by a man being pushy and demanding. Anyhow, he’d vanish for a few months then hey presto, appear again out of no where and strike up conversation again. This cycle would continue to happen over the space of the following year 18months. We’d always get on so well just like the previous times, then after about a day or so of contact he would ask to take me out again.
I would always be open and honest and politely decline his offer for that moment. My reasoning (to which i would explain to him) was that as much as we got on he couldn’t just vanish, reappear after months and expect me to jump as soon as he clicked his fingers.
And so the cycle continued. Fast forward to October 2016…
BLEEP… ‘someone added you on snapchat’ It was Darren. I courteously accepted and added him back. Right away he messaged me. I couldn’t quite understand why he would message me on snapchat and not directly on whatsapp as he had usually done previously..
By this time something in me had changed; Before he even had the chance to ask for a date. I very openly asked him what he wanted? I was quite firm stating quite bluntly in a number of message exchanges;
why are you back?
what do you want from me?
you appear, we get on, then you vanish. you are never going to get a date from me because id never involve myself with someone that wasn’t consistent..
I voiced that i found it suspicious how he only made contact in the middle of the night and how he would vanish and cease contact out of the blue.
I’m very clear and precise with my thoughts and feelings and if i feel someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes i will call them out on it also.
He again said it was work and that there was nothing to be suspicious about at all. He worked Something in me wanted to believe him. After all who persists for almost two years?
We continued talking. Soon we were talking about all of our hopes and dreams.. he had asked me what i wanted out of a relationship. i openly listed it all. All of the things i wanted in a man, all of the things i did not. I also explained that any man that wanted me to take time out of my life to spend with him, even just of an evening for a date, would have to prove his worth. And by that i meant consistency.
I lead a pretty busy life, work, friends, family, big gym goer etc etc.. Id spent many a years loosing weight previously and my routine of lifestyle ensures that i never go backwards from my goals and find myself back at square one.
He listened and was attentive and said that he would make an effort to be more consistent and prove to me he was truly interested in taking things forward.
Again he vanished but it wasn’t for long a few days if that. Moving forward to December 2016… he was still being attentive, messaging when the sun was up and from what i could see things appeared to be different. He had to go away for work for a couple of weeks and over that time i didn’t hear from him. When he returned it was xmas time. And my birthday. and i heard from him on both.
I remember New Years Eve, he was in contact through the evening and into the new year… by this point i was still expecting him to do another vanishing act. But he didn’t.
Into the new year we continue contact, phone calls texting etc on a now daily basis. Things had changed! He was different. The more we spoke the more we had in common. The more he became to be exactly what i had been waiting for my whole adult life up to that point. How had we let almost two years pass when we were so well matched?! both of us would ask this question to each other many a time.
There came a point where i was away (for a week) and by the time i returned he had to fly out to HK for business for two weeks this was a week or two into the new year) we had both agreed to see each other as soon as he was back from his business trip and that we would keep in contact until then. Which we did. Constant texts, calls and emails (he even had my work contact so we didn’t have to go too long without hearing from each other) for the duration of his trip, despite the 7hr time difference, we made it work, and we were hooked on each other both excited for his return on the 5th Feb… he’d even blurted out those three words a couple of times on the phone… we hadn’t even met! But i could feel myself feeling the same way back, although i never said it back to him..